


Going Home

by fufukunaga, moiltishipper



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Confessions, Half-Filipino Iwaizumi Hajime, M/M, Moving Away, Oblivious Idiot, Pining, Set in canon, Slow Burn, after graduation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2019-06-26 14:47:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15665352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fufukunaga/pseuds/fufukunaga, https://archiveofourown.org/users/moiltishipper/pseuds/moiltishipper
Summary: Hajime had never wanted anything more than what is necessary. He wasn't selfish. He was always aware of their condition. He was always ready to compromise. He felt like he didn't really have a choice afterall. At least not until Oikawa Tooru made himself one.





	1. something to say

It was the summer after graduation. Hajime had just woken up when he received news that his mother was planning to move them back to her home country, the Philippines. She sat at the corner of his bed, a sympathetic look in her eyes. “With your father gone, I don’t think I can support you here in Japan.” His mother had reasoned.

Hajime’s father was formerly a businessman who died of brain hemorrhage during his first year in Aoba Josaih High School. Since then her mother had taken up several jobs around the prefecture. Her most recent one being a waitress at this ramen shop a bus ride away from home. It had been tough at first but they got by. Hajime was never one to want material things and every summer between volleyball practice he worked alongside her mother to save enough for his tuition the next school year.

Hajime sat up. “Mom…”

Iwaizumi-san fiddled with her fingers idly. “I’m sorry. But even the local colleges are too much for us.” She sighed. “But back home… well…”

“Mom…” He started again. Hajime understood. He had always been aware of their condition. He did what he had to. He always compromised. And never wanted anything he didn’t need. “It’s okay. I understand.” He reached out to her hands and gave her a reassuring smile. “I mean, it’s not like I had some big dream I was chasing, y’know?”

A hint of smile began tugging on his mother’s face. “Alright. So what do you want for breakfast?” But even before Hajime could answer she stood up and clapped her hands. “Ah! How about a classic Filipino breakfast, eh? Gotta get you accustomed to pinoy dishes!” She walked out of the room almost skipping and Hajime couldn’t help but laugh to himself.

Once alone, he blew a shaky breath. “Philippines huh.”

~

Over breakfast, they discussed about the move. “So I thought, you don’t have to work with me at the shop.”

Hajime chewed on some rice seasoned with garlic .“What? Why?” He poked his chopsticks at the dried fish on his plate, not knowing what to make of it.

His mom, eating with her hands, continued. “Well mostly, so you could help me pack but also to say goodbye to your friends.”

Hajime snorted. “Do I even need the whole summer for that?”

“Trust me, _hijo_.” His mother gave him a knowing look. “Saying goodbye is no easy feat.”

~

Hajime felt stupid as he made his way towards Seijoh wearing his old gym clothes. It wasn’t even that old. In fact, it wasn’t old at all. He had just worn this a few weeks ago coming to practice as he always did for the last three years. He shouldn’t feel weird going to school just because he had already graduated.

But that was it, Hajime thought. The fact that he had already graduated meant that he wasn’t exactly a student here anymore. Would his coach even let him practice with them? He had no idea. But since he didn’t have to work like his mother said, Hajime found himself at a loss of what to do with his spare time.

His train of thought got cut off as soon as he saw Matsukawa and Hanamaki approaching the school gates. The three of them stopped, staring at each other in stunned silence. A moment later they all laughed.

“Just like old times, eh?” Matsukawa stated.

Hanamaki elbowed him. “What do you mean ‘old times’? It hasn’t been that long!”

Hajime snickered as the three of them started walking inside. “So we’re the No Plans For the Future Club, eh?”

“What’s with that stupidass name, Iwaizumi?” Matsukawa asked.

“I totally have plans for the future.” Hanamaki defended.

“Oh yeah? Like what?” Hajime challenged.

Hanamaki grinned mischievously. “Wasting my summer at my high school volleyball club.” And the three of them laughed.

As they entered the gym, Hajime was saying “Now only if Oikawa were her-“ He stopped abruptly because there he was. Oikawa Tooru. Alone. Practicing serves.

“Should’ve known.” Matsukawa said as he passed a yen to Hanamaki who had winning smile plastered on his face.

“Hoy, what do you think you’re doing, Shittykawa?” Hajime yelled. Just then a ball flew straight to his face. He heard both Matsukawa and Hanamaki in hysterics in background. Oikawa was running over holding up peace signs in both hands. “Sorry, Iwa-chan.” He said, not looking sorry at all.

“You dumbass. You’re gonna regret that.” Before Hajime could do anything, Matsukawa had locked his arms underneath his, restraining him.

Hanamaki slung his arms around Oikawa “So Iwaizumi, is Oikawa part of our No Futures Club?”

Hajime stopped struggling and Matsukawa released him. “Aren’t you supposed to be packing for Tokyo?” Matsukawa asked.

Oikawa waved his hand dismissively. “That won’t take the whole summer. Besides…” He placed his hands on his hips. “I’m not ready to say goodbye just yet.”

~

After practice (Hajime wondered if it should even be called practice considering the fact that, well, it wasn’t) the four of them headed to the ramen shop his mother worked in. It was an impulse their feet knew too well. They have always come here together to eat together. Afterwards, Hajime would shoo them away so he could work in peace.

This time was different. Hajime didn’t have to work. Even if he wanted to, his mother would shoo him away. She’s stubborn like that.

Hanamaki was arguing that Oikawa should treat them ramen.

“Geh. Why should I?”

“Because you hit Iwaizumi on the face.” Matsukawa said.

“On purpose.” Hanamaki added.

“It was NOT on purpose.” Oikawa defended.

“Plus you’re annoying.” Matsukawa said.

“Like borderline annoying.” Hanamaki added.

“I am not!” Oikawa pouted and seated beside Hajime on the counter. “Tell them, Iwa-chan.”

“Shut up, shittykawa and buy us ramen.” Hajime spat.

“So mean, Iwa-chan.” Oikawa pouted.

Just then, Hajime’s mother came out to take their orders. “So what are we having today?"

“Shoyu!”

“Tonkatsu!”

“Tantanmen!”

“Tita-chan!” Oikawa called. “Your son is bullying me. Again.”

Iwaizumi-san chuckled. “I told you, Tooru. It’s just _tita_.” She scribbled their orders on a piece of paper and passed it to the kitchen. “And don’t mind Hayme. You know he loves you.” Hajime rolled his eyes as protest.

“Tita?” Matsukawa asked.

“Hayme?” Hanamaki joined in, a shit-eating grin on his face.

Hajime cleared his throat. “It means aunt in filipino.”

“Eh?” Matsukawa mused. “I didn’t know you were filipino, _hayme_.” He wiggled his eyebrows for emphasis.

“Half.” Hajime explained, ignoring Matsukawa's taunts. “My dad was japanese.”

“No wonder you’re so short, Iwaizumi.” Hanamaki said to which he got a smack on the head from Hajime. “Saw that coming.” He said as he scratched his head. Laugh erupted from everyone else.

When their orders arrived, the four of them ate cheerfully, banter bouncing amongst them. It felt familiar and warm and fun but Hajime couldn’t set aside the sinking feeling in his stomach that he couldn’t quite understand.

Once they were all done, the argument of Oikawa paying arose once more. Oikawa was about to rebut when Iwaizumi-san said “No need. It’s on the house today” as she started clearing up the dishes.

“Really?” Oikawa squealed. “Thank you, Tita-chan!” Iwaizumi-san laughed, not even bothering to correct him anymore.

“May I ask why?” Matsukawa said.

Hajime’s mother raised an eyebrow at him. “Didn’t Hajime tell you?” She looked at her son, who was staring intensely at the counter to avoid eye contact.

“Tell us what?” Oikawa asked. He, too, turned to Hajime.

Her expression softened as she finished stacking up their bowls. “Well, it’s better if he says it.” She smiled and ruffled Oikawa’s hair (the only person Hajime knows to get away with doing so). “Just give him time.”

~

Hajime found the walk home with Oikawa excruciatingly awkward, which was dumb. It wasn’t like this was the first time they did this. But the fact that Matsukawa and Hanamaki excused themselves earlier than usual made Hajime think he wasn’t the only one feeling the tension between them. The feeling in his stomach from earlier still lingered. And having just eaten a whole bowl of ramen didn’t do him any favour. He felt like he was going to puke, though not really.

Oikawa walked ahead of him, silent and in thought. He had his hands in his pockets, his eyes straight ahead. It wasn’t exactly unusual for them to be like that. Despite the seemingly endless banters, Oikawa and he have shared moments of comfortable silence; moments in which words weren’t really needed for them to understand each other. Hajime could tell this wasn’t like that at all.

Hajime stopped in his tracks. “Oikawa.”

The man in front turned around, eyebrows raised.  And suddenly Hajime couldn’t speak. It was dumb. It wasn’t a big deal. He already knew they were going separate ways in college. This was no different. He should just tell him and be over with it. “What’s wrong, Iwa-chan? You look constipated.”

And with that, all sentimental thoughts in Hajime’s brain vanished in an instant. “Shut up, Trashykawa. Let’s go to your house. I’m gonna help you pack.”

Maybe Hajime was just a coward.

~

Oikawa didn’t want to pack. At least not yet. Or maybe not ever.

He knew he should. He had to move to Tokyo and get settled in before the summer ended. But he didn’t want to. He wasn’t ready. But Iwaizumi was having none of it. “For god’s sake, Crappykawa!” He exclaimed, pulling Tooru off his bed. “You should be more responsible about this.”

“But, Iwa-chan…” he complained lazily.

Iwaizumi smacked his head. “Don’t be like that.” He said, suddenly sullen. “Where’s your suitcase?”

“In the trash.” Oikawa answered, his face buried in his pillow.

Iwaizumi ignored him and ransacked his closet. A few seconds later he produced a green suitcase and wheeled it into the room. “Hoy, come on. You gotta at least start with something.” He prodded.

Oikawa groaned into his pillow in reply. He could hear Iwaizumi’s footsteps coming closer to him, he felt him sat on the floor beside his bed. When he turned his face to the side, Iwaiuzmi’s was just a few inches away from him. For a moment, he considered telling him. And from the look on his face, it seemed like Iwaizumi wanted to say something too. He opened his mouth but closed them again. Maybe that thing his mother mentioned earlier. It seemed like he wasn’t the only one with something to say. Oikawa wondered what it was. But he didn’t ask. And none of them spoke. They just stayed there, staring into each other’s eyes, hoping that it would be enough. Maybe proving that they didn’t need words to understand each other.

Iwaizumi was the first one to look away. Oikawa felt disappointed. He didn’t like being left in the dark. But he trusted Iwaizumi enough to know that he will tell him in due time. Although, he couldn’t speak for himself. He can’t whine about Iwaizumi obviously not telling him something if he himself was hiding something from him.

For all he knew, Oikawa was too much of a coward.

 


	2. selfish desires

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> criticism will always be appreciated

[some time before the Inter High Preliminaries]

It had almost been twenty minutes and the rain showed no sign of stopping.

Oikawa had taken shelter under one of the abandoned bus stops along the way. He had purposely stayed past the others to practice and Iwaizumi had warned him that if he stayed too late, he’d kill him.

He glared at the only remaining light source: a lit lamp post in in front of him. The streets were relatively empty and he hadn’t brought an umbrella. He sighed as he took his phone out of his pocket. He dialled Iwaizumi’s number. He knew he’d get a scolding but he’s the only one in his contacts he knew for sure would come to get him.

_Ring… ring…_

No answer.

 _That’s odd._ Oikawa thought.

He tried again.

_Ring… ring…_

Still no answer.

“Iwa-chan,” Oikawa said to no one in particular. “do you not love me anymore?”

He sighed. _Guess I have to wait it out afterall._

“Hoy.” Oikawa perked up at the familiar voice.

Iwaizumi stood in front of him under an open umbrella. He reached out his hand to him. “Come on. Let’s get you home.”

Oikawa cheerfully accepted his hand and joined him under the umbrella. Their shoulders touched as they walked their way home. Oikawa clutched his bag to his chest. “Iwa-chan, why did you only bring one umbrella? I’m getting wet.”

Iwaizumi tensed. “Stop complaining. I wasn’t planning on picking you up. I just happen to see you on my way to the store.”

Oikawa raised an eyebrow at him. “But the store’s the other way-“

“Shut up, Shittykawa.” Iwaizumi huffed, a hint of pink on his cheeks.

Oikawa couldn’t help but smile. “Just admit it, Iwa-chan. You care about me.” He teased, nudging his shoulders playfully.

Iwaizumi grunted. “Well, someone has to.” He said. “Since _you_ don’t.” He looked up at Oikawa. “You do know I won’t always be around to… do this kind of stuff.”

They stopped. The rain poured around them. The relatively small umbrella forced the two to bunch up together. “What kind of stuff?” Oikawa asked. Despite the weather, Oikawa felt warm inside. He wanted to come closer to Iwaizumi since he figured that’s where the heat was coming from.

“ _This_ kind of stuff.” Iwaizumi gestured at the umbrella above them. “Picking you up when you forget your umbrella-“

“Oh so now you admit you purposely picked me up.” Oikawa interrupted.

“Let me finish.” Iwaizumi said.

Oikawa fell silent.

“ What I’m saying is” Iwaizumi continued. “There will come a time when we’re not together.” He said it slowly as if it was something he didn’t want to be true. “And when that time comes, I won’t be able to… t-take care of you.”

Oikawa felt hot as he listened to Iwaizumi stutter the last phrase.

“So you gotta learn to take care of yourself, Crappykawa.” Iwaizumi finished. “Wherever I end up in, I don’t want to be constantly worrying about you and hate myself because I’m too far away.”

For the sake of his heart, Oikawa pretended it was rain Iwaizumi wiped off from his eyes. He didn’t know how to respond so they walked in silence. And Oikawa realized, it was enough. He understood Iwaizumi and he didn’t have to say anything. Iwaizumi would probably get embarrassed if Oikawa gave a forced reply or worse, a false promise.

“Say, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa said. “Let me hold the umbrella.”

“What? Why?”

“Because you’re too short and it doesn’t entirely cover my head.”

“You bastard.” Iwaizumi stepped on Oikawa’s toes. “I should’ve left you to rot in that bus stop, you dumbass.”

“Now, now” Oikawa tried to take the umbrella from the defiant Iwaizumi. Oikawa took hold of the upper part of the umbrella stick, then his other hand landed on Iwaizumi’s. “Just let me.”

Iwaizumi huffed and rolled his eyes. “Fine.” He let go of the umbrella and took his hand off of Oikawa’s touch. And Oikawa was tempted to take it back.

He raised the umbrella higher, now properly covering the two of them. Iwaizumi was in front of him, his back grazing Oikawa’s chest. And for a moment he had a selfish thought: he didn’t want Iwaizumi to stop worrying about him no matter how far he is. In fact, he didn’t want Iwaizumi to go anywhere without him. _Stay with me_. He wanted to say. _Forever._

~

Iwaizumi hated packing. It was a pain.

It wasn’t any better that he had to do both his and Oikawa’s. But that shitty bastard wouldn’t do his own without Iwaizumi helping him. Not that it was complaining. He was glad to have something to do besides packing his own stuff. Plus the company was appreciated. He just wished that Oikawa could help _him_ with his packing.

 _Maybe if you’d tell him…_ a voice in his head said.

It has been a week or so since he received the news from his mother that they’d be moving back to the Philippines. He wasn’t even sure if it was a permanent thing. He realized that with his father gone, they didn’t really have any reason to come back here. The thought made Iwaizumi sick like he was suddenly untethered to the earth.

He pushed the feeling aside and continued doing his own packing. He didn’t know how much framed photographs they had until he had taken up the task to clear up their living room. It was an instant trip to memory lane Iwaizumi hadn’t signed up for. There was his parent’s wedding photo, their family photo, and even a few of distant relatives back from the Philippines.

There were also snapshots of Iwaizumi growing up and it was crazy how often Oikawa’s face is present in each one. Oikawa and Iwaizumi wearing their yukatas at a festival holding each other’s hands.  The first time Oikawa came to his house and they were watching a volleyball match on TV. The two of them on the first day of school and one from every match they had in middle school. The most recent picture was from graduation with Oikawa, Matsukawa, and Hanamaki showcasing their diplomas and smiling brightly at the camera.

Looking at the photographs brought back that sinking feeling in Iwaizumi’s stomach. He shook his head (hoping to shake off whatever uneasy feeling he had) and put the last photo in a box. He looked around the living room seeming lifeless with the bare walls and boxes. The lone decoration in the whole room was a clock that read 4 o’clock.

He had to pick up Oikawa from school. Apparently the coach had allowed him to use the gym during school hours just before afternoon practice. But he tends to stay past that if Iwaizumi doesn’t physically drag him out of there. Then he’d help him pack his stuff at home.

It was a nice routine. It made Iwaizumi felt useful, like he had a purpose.

~

When Iwaizumi arrived at Seijoh, Oikawa was no were to be found. The only people there were Tweedledee and Tweedledum practicing spikes.

“Hoy,” Iwaizumi called. “Where’s Oikawa?”

“His highness left early.” Matsukawa said.

“He said he had some packing to do.” Hanamaki added.

Iwaizumi felt like he’d been stabbed. He bit his lip and clenched his fist. He didn’t understand. He should be happy that Oikawa is taking care of himself so that when they both part ways… He should be at ease because… Oikawa didn’t need him anymore.

Matsukawa and Hanamaki glanced at each other as if to say _are you seeing this?_

“Yo, what’s wrong?” Matsukawa asked. The two of them approached Iwaizumi carefully as if he were a time bomb they didn’t know how to deal with.

Iwaizumi tensed. He was being stupid. “Nothing’s wrong.”

“Uh huh.” Hanamaki said. “Clearly.” He threw a volleyball towards Iwaizumi, which he catches instinctively. “How about you join us for practice?”

“If you’re gonna hit it, hit it ‘til it breaks.” Matsukawa called out.

Iwaizumi scoffed. If he had to be comforted by these two, he may have just reached a new level of patheticness. Despite that, he accepted the sentiment and played along with them, ignoring the lump in his throat.

~

As their kouhais started coming in, they excused themselves.

Hanamaki had his arm slung around Iwaizumi’s shoulders, Matsukawa walking beside them, hands in his pockets. “You wouldn’t believe this, Iwaizumi but Matsukawa got into med school.” Hanamaki said.

“Come now, I’ve always been the smart one.” Matsukawa retorted.

“That’s amazing, Mattsun.” Iwaizumi remarked. He turned to Hanamaki. “How about you?”

Hanamaki smirked and Iwaizumi could swear his cheeks slightly turned pink. “Ah well, Mattsun wouldn’t survive on his own so I’m tagging along.”

Iwaizumi cocked an eyebrow at him. “You? Med school?”

Hanamaki clutched his chest. “You hurt me, Iwa-chan. Truly. But no. I’m gonna do law.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes, seriously!” Hanamaki exclaimed. “Exactly how low do you think of me, Iwaizumi?”

Matsukawa burst into laughter. And Iwaizumi felt ashamed. “I’m sorry. It’s just-“ Iwaizumi stuttered. “That’s amazing. Both of you.”

Hanamaki crossed his arms on his chest. “Told you we had plans.” Hanamaki and Matsukawa looked at him expectantly.

He sighed. “I’m moving to the Philippines to study there.”

“Oh?” Matsukawa mused. “Does Oikawa know?”

Iwaizumi bit his lip. “No.”

Hanamaki put a hand on his shoulder. Iwaizumi was surprised to see his expression serious. “You should tell him.”

“Yeah.” He sighed. Though there was a selfish part of him that wanted to keep Oikawa in the dark. Telling him makes everything real. And he didn’t want it to be.

~

Oikawa was almost done with packing. And he hated it.

His room was empty save for some boxes and his suitcase. He wasn’t planning on bringing much to college but it felt like something was missing. Like something was being left behind. It was a stupid thought. Everything else was packed up and ready to go.

Still he couldn’t shake the feeling.

Iwaizumi still hadn’t told him whatever it is he wanted to say. He’s been tripping on himself every few times. Oikawa could feel that at times Iwaizumi would pause like he thought it was the right moment to spill. But he never does. And same goes for Oikawa.

What he wanted to say…

Oikawa shook his head. It was too risky. He was scared of Iwaizumi’s reaction. Of what will happen after he utter those words.

_Ugh_

He stared at the boxes. He wanted upturn everything. Bring them back to where they were. And to stay the way they were.

_Ugh_

He lay on his bed and stared at the ceiling. It’s not that Oikawa didn’t want to leave for Tokyo. He was grateful to have been recruited to an amazing school with a great volleyball team. It’s also not that he was afraid of change. It was just…

_Ugh_

Oikawa’s phone rang, the lively tune cutting off his thoughts.

“Hey.” Oikawa perked up at the familiar voice.

“Hey.”

A moment passed before Iwaizumi talked again. “So, uh, how’s packing?”

 _I don’t want to talk about that._ ”Fine.” Oikawa said. “I’m actually pretty much done.”

“Oh,” Iwaizumi’s voice was so soft, Oikawa almost didn’t hear him. “That’s great.” He said unenthusiastically.

There was a moment of silence before the both of them called each other out at the same time.

“Iwa-chan.”

“Oikawa.”

They fell in awkward silence once again. Oikawa was the first to speak up. “What’s up?”

“I-uh,” Iwaizumi stuttered. “I want to tell you something. I-uh”

Whatever he it was, the fact that it made Iwaizumi this nervous also made Oikawa anxious. He wanted to know. But at the same time, he didn’t. “Me too.” He said and immediately regretted it. “But not on the phone.” _Shit shit shit what are you doing._

“Okay.” Iwaizumi said. “See you at the gym tomorrow?”

“Ehhh. That’s a terrible place to confess, Iwa-chan.”

“You’re g-going to confess?”

Oikawa tried to ignore the loud beating in his chest. “Nah. You?”

“No.”

“Pity. I would’ve agreed to be your boyfriend in a heartbeat.” Oikawa joked. Well… “Still, at least take me out to dinner or something.”

He heard Iwaizumi swallow on the other end. “Okay, uh, where would you want to go?”

“Hmmm,” Oikawa stretched his hands over his head, as if reaching for the ceiling. “Somewhere only we know.”

There was a pause. And Oikawa was dying to know what was running on Iwaizumi’s mind. “Okay.” Iwaizumi said.

Oikawa smiled, his cheeks growing warmer by the second. “It’s a date, then?”

Another pause. “Sure. Whatever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tbh i have no idea what im doing. this is all self indulgent writing. i have no plot but i have a vague idea how i want things to go. well, things could change along the way. 
> 
> also thank you for all the support ive been getting from my twt friends. yall know who you are and i appreciate you.

**Author's Note:**

> I just love Filo!Iwaizumi so much and always had so many ideas about it. Finally took the time to write something down. This is my first fic. Like EVER. So be kind ~fufu  
> [You can find me on twitter and tumblr with the same @]


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